First time sex can be a great experience that you keep with you for the rest of your life. It can be fun, pleasurable, exciting, sensational, loving and sometimes all of these things at once. However, many people feel pressure just to get it out of the way, especially when you’re young. There is no reason that first time sex shouldn’t be as good as any sex you will ever have, if a little different (it is your first time, after all). To help with this, we’ve compiled a list of ten things you can do to help ensure that your first time is an amazing one.
- Ask yourself “Am I ready?”
Do you feel that you’re ready for sex? Who are you doing it for – yourself or your partner? It’s important to feel confident that the decision you make is about you. Does the idea of having sex with someone make you excited or worried? Remember, there’s usually a legal age for when you can have sex (in Canada it’s 16).
- Talk about it with your partner
Communication is key, but it’s not always easy. If you have any fears or worries, then talk openly about them. It's okay to do this with a text if that's easier. Also listen to your partner, and look for signs that they are into it too.
- Educate yourselves
A visit to a sexual health service or a pharmacist can give you the information you need to make sure that sex is safe – then you can concentrate on making it amazing. Remember, only condoms prevent both infections and unplanned pregnancy, so for first time sex they’re a must for keeping your mind at ease. Other forms of contraception should be discussed with your doctor.
- Get to know your own body
The key for having really great sex is knowing what you like, what it feels like to be turned on, how to get turned on, and where and how you like to be touched. The best way to discover these things is through finding them yourself. Although it isn't for everyone, most people do masturbate. It can be lots of fun with someone else too.
- Pick the right time
Choose a safe, stress-free place where you know that you're not going to be disturbed. You will need time and space to get comfortable with each other. This is a shared experience for the two of you, so it helps to make sure that you set the mood to one of intimacy.
- Sex shouldn’t hurt
If you are turned on and relaxed then sex should feel really good (even if it feels a bit new and strange). Use your fingers or your mouths to get each other tingly and turned on. Water-based lubricant can help (and is sometimes necessary). Listen to your body, and if it feels uncomfortable, sore or painful, then stop. It could be a sign that you aren't quite ready or that you'd prefer a different kind of sex.
- It's fine to be embarrassed
It’s not all going to go smoothly. It might be a little bit stop/start to begin with as your bodies will react differently and you may feel embarrassed or awkward – this is okay so long as it feels good too. In fact, it’s going well if you can giggle and have fun with it.
- Take your time
There’s no need to rush. Go as slowly as you want and experiment. Unlike in the movies or in porn, sex doesn't have to happen in the same order and not everyone likes the same things. Focus on having the sex you both want, which can take time, but can be so much more intense and satisfying.
- Sex talk
The only way to learn what you and your partner enjoy is to communicate. The question then is, how? During sex keep it simple: “Oh yes.” “Wait.” “Keep going.” “Softer.” ”Harder.” “Faster.” As well as words, listen for the hot noises and whispers of ecstasy from your partner. Watch and feel how your bodies respond to each other to see how much you're both enjoying it.
- What comes after
Sex means different things to different people. Some people say sex can bring people really close together – intimate moments that only they'll experience. Others see sex as hot and exciting, but just another thing to do. Sex may change your relationship, or it may not – talking about it can help you decide what it means for you.
Sex can be great, but make sure you’re having it for the right reasons. When you’re comfortable and the mood is just right you can feel the best you’ve ever felt, but if something’s missing there’s no harm in waiting until the time is right for you.