Everyone is different, which is what makes life so exciting. Learning all about each other lies right at the heart of sex, whether with a new partner or a long-term lover. Despite that, people still find it difficult to discuss their sexuality with each other. Whatever your particular kink, the first step to seeing your fantasies realized is to talk about them.
There are often two reasons that people don’t want to talk about their fantasies:
They're a Giver
Some people go into sex with a wonderful attitude that their sole purpose is to provide pleasure. This could be because they’re unfailingly generous, because they see that you should be able to please your partner as a point of pride, or maybe they see themselves as a sexual martyr. They don’t talk about their own sexual needs because their needs come secondary to their partners.
If this sounds like you then you may need to rethink your approach, because by throwing yourself on the orgasmic sword, you’re denying your partner the very thing that you crave yourself: the satisfaction of bringing pleasure to your partner. So don’t be afraid to be selfish every once in a while, and talk about what you want from sex… unless quite literallyall you want is to bring pleasure, in which case you may be some sort of saint.
If you feel that you might be on the other side of this scenario, then you may also need to re-examine your attitude because you don’t want your partner to feel like…
They're with a Taker
Some people prefer to take on the role of the giver in sex, but for others it’s not a role that they find themselves in by choice. Some are unable to talk about their sexual desires and fantasies because they feel that their partner would not be receptive to the idea. If you feel like you’re putting your partner in this position, take action immediately!
Reassure your partner that you are interested in knowing exactly what they want in the bedroom. This doesn’t have to be as dramatic as it sounds. The next time you’re in the throes of passion, just ask what they want.
On the other hand, if you feel that your partner is the more selfish one, then communication is the answer here as well. If you feel that you can display some dominance, then do so. Be assertive and tell your partner what you want, don’t ask them. If this seems a bit much, then just drop it into private conversation. Keep it lighthearted, but make sure they know you are serious. Once they know the pleasure ofbringingpleasure, with any luck the balance should restore itself.
Communication is an important tool that can lead to better sex, so make sure that you and your partner are completely open with each other when it comes to fantasies and desires. Keep in mind, too, that your partner might not want to share in these fantasies, and that is their right. You should never introduce any new element into sex without discussing it with your partner first, especially if you feel that your sexual predilections could be considered particularly “out there.” If you are open with your partner and willing to discuss, hopefully you’ll discover some exciting new elements to incorporate into your sex life, which means better sex for both of you.