Keeping the flame alive - long distance relationships

If you and your partner are living far away from each other, here are our top tips for turning long distance into going the distance

We’re not going to lie; long distance relationships are hard, but they can work – and you might even find that they add an intensity to your relationship that you just wouldn’t get if you were in the same place. By coming up with inventive ideas to communicate and please your partner while you’re apart and often having experiences (and sex!) that are more intense when you are together, your relationship can actually benefit from the distance. In fact, research published in the Journal of Communication found that people in long distance relationships were more likely to share meaningful thoughts and feelings than those who were not.

Going the distance

It’s hard when you miss someone, but don’t wish away the days until you see each other again, as the time you’re apart can work for you, too. You don’t need to be in contact constantly, but do talk and make time for each other. Schedule in phone dates, and try some sexy talk to please your partner and keep the fires burning. If it doesn’t come naturally to you, start by reading erotica aloud to each other. You can also have ‘virtual’ dates, where you watch the same movie at the same time and text comments throughout, or eat a meal together over Skype.

Letters are so much more personal than emails, so try sending hand-written details of what you want to do to your partner when you’re next together. It’s always exciting to receive a package, so post a note with some sexy underwear for your partner (or yourself), a new sex toy or a pleasure gel you want to try out next time you see them. You could even have a preview by using Skype to please your partner. Make the most of all the modes of communication you can, and learn how to flirt via text, email and instant messaging. The time you spend apart may not be perfect, but it can be fun and very, very sexy.

Together again

It’s what you’ve been waiting for, but if you do the together bit well, it can make being apart easier too. Make sure you take turns visiting each other, so neither of you feel they are having to make more effort than the other. You may be desperate to get your partner into bed, as the time you spend between the sheets takes on more urgency if you’re long distance, but do other things too, such as meeting friends, shopping and eating out, as this will make your relationship feel more grounded.

Start your time together while you or your partner are travelling – ramp up the excitement by texting each other and it can act like foreplay. You can also practice dirty talk while you’re together so you become more confident and find it easier to continue and please your partner when you’re apart. When it’s time to head off, hide a sexy note in their luggage (or around their house if you’re the one returning home) so they can find it later on and feel like you’re still with them.

Ignore the naysayers

There will be plenty of people ready to tell you that long distance never works, but it does – and it can even make your relationship stronger. The initial difficulty of being far apart can make you appreciate each other more, and you can have great fun working out new ways to be together even if you’re far away.