In every aspect of your relationship, communication is very important. Whether it’s deciding what film to watch or what to have for dinner, we’ve all been told that being honest about the little things leads to a healthier, stronger relationship over time. The exact same applies when talking about sex and sex positions.
Even in a long-term relationship, it’s normal to find these kinds of conversations challenging (sometimes even more so if you’ve been with your partner for a long time and developed certain routines in the bedroom). But if you’re looking to spice things up and try new positions, it’s a conversation worth having that could make sex all the more fun for both of you.
Spontaneity is great in the bedroom. But without a few words of warning, a heated moment could become quite awkward. There’s no need for a grand monologue; simply asking, ‘Would you like to try this?’ can be a powerful way of broaching the subject. Try to invite your partner into the discussion without making them feel pressured.
After all, you’re both in this together. If your partner isn’t sure on how to perform your move of choice, it’s important to take it slow; guide them through it and show them where you’d like them to put their hands. This way you’re taking the lead rather than taking control.
How important is communication when it comes to sex?
“So important. Keeping feelings about sex locked up can be dangerous habit to get into.” – Orla
“Even if you feel certain positions might be impossible there’s usually ways around any difficulty, like using pillows or purpose-built sex wedges to raise areas of the body or adjusting the position so it’s not quite as dramatic. He might not be able to carry on thrusting for long if he’s stood up, back to the wall, and I’m being carried by him, but if he sits on the edge of the bed and I take my place on his lap then it’s much more enjoyable for us personally. Feeling a bit too exposed in certain positions? Change to a softer light in the room, or even start with the lights off – you might have to feel your way into position though!” - Cara
An Open Mind
Deciding to talk about sex is one thing, but when it comes to the actual discussion sometimes the words just don’t come out right. Try to be patient with your partner; let them know you’re there to listen and ask questions if you’re feeling confused. They might be feeling just as self-conscious as you are. If you’re feeling at a loss for words, why not suggest buying a book of sex-positions, or searching online together to find some inspiration?
How important do you think it is to have an open attitude when your partner brings up the subject of sex?
“I might be tempted to take what my partner says critically. But if it’s important to our relationship I would try to put my ego aside and listen.” - Orla
A Time and Place
Many couples hit points in their relationship when their sex lives become ‘routine’. While this can be frustrating, it’s important not to bring up the topic at an inappropriate moment. For instance, bringing up your sex life in the heat of an argument can add unnecessary tension and negative emotions to something that should be an exciting and positive journey for you both.
Likewise, it might not be the best conversation for when you’re about to meet the in-laws for dinner! Try to choose a time and place where you both feel at ease. Maybe just before bed or during a lazy weekend; this way you can bring the discussion into the bedroom with plenty of time to try out some new techniques.
Is there any advice you would give your younger self about sex and sex positions?
“Don't let body confidence get in the way of trying everything. If the guy has gotten you naked, chance is HE [LIKES] YOU. So twist yourself into a ball, fling those legs over your head and just relax.” – Vicky
“If any position really isn’t working for you, don’t be afraid to speak up. As well as having an open mind about sex and positions it’s also very important to keep the lines of communication open, and that means respecting yourself and prioritising mindful consent all the way through.” - Cara
You don’t have to be a gymnast in the bedroom to try out new sex positions. In fact, making a few minor changes to your go-to positions can be a great way to start exploring new territories. Take Missionary for instance. Small changes to this old classic can take you both to completely new arenas of pleasure.
For example, try the ‘Closed Legs’ variation: standard Missionary but the woman’s legs are clamped tightly together while the man straddles her – intensifying pleasure for both. Adding pillows is another way to amplify this tried-and-tested favourite - place a pillow or two beneath the woman’s buttocks so her hips are raised at an angle – great for deeper penetration. If you want to hear more, make sure to check out other Durex articles such as: Top Tips for Better Sex: To You from Her
Have you got a particular sex position, which is a bit of a hidden charm for you? Why is it so great?
“Girl on top is always a winner. If you can get over the awkwardness of the guy staring at you solidly, you can have complete control over both of your pleasures. Make it extra fun by putting a cheesy RnB song on and giving a faux lap dance.” - Vicky
“I particularly love when I’m on top of him, and instead of remaining upright as he’s penetrating me I dip my body down (great time for kisses) and just raise my bum up and down for the sex motion. I feel I get much more stimulation this way – I can feel every single inch of him – and I can tell he absolutely loves it too. The position and move feels so intimate for us both, and I can keep in control of the penetration depth and speed. It’s definitely my killer move.” – Cara
If a sex position was named after you, what would it be?
“The Rock n Roll - I love rock music, and this sex position also suits me perfectly. It involves me lying on a flat surface, bringing my knees as high up as possible. He then lies on top of me and enters, and he can grab any part of me he wants for support! It’s great when I’m feeling lazy, as he can really take control and get deep inside of me, allowing for some great orgasms!” - Orla
What about Embarrassing Moments?
So you’ve had the big chat and you’re getting down to trying some new moves. Adding new angles and locations to your sex life will always have its ups and downs, so it’s important to be able to have fun while trying. As you go from one position to another, ask your partner how they are feeling, and don’t be afraid to have a bit of a giggle along the way. After all, every couple has a funny story or two in their sexual history book that brings them closer together.
Would you care to share an embarrassing moment when you were trying out sex positions with a partner?
“Definitely the shower curtain incident!” - Orla
As you can see, when it comes to talking about sex positions, communication and an open-mind are the best medicine. Try to remember it’s a team sport, and never a one-way discussion. Spicing up your sex life is a healthy challenge to take on together, and while it might seem like a daunting topic, it can be a whole lot of fun and bring you both closer together in more ways than one.