Man touching his partner's lingerie in bed

Fingering & Sex: How to Finger a Woman

How to Finger a Woman - A Beginner’s Guide

When you think of pleasing a woman, what do you think about doing?

A lot of guys will say penetration, and that’s understandable of course, but it’s far from the only way.

There is oral sex to think about too, as well as the more refined technique of fingering.

Fingering isn’t talked about as often as oral sex or intercourse, but it is actually one of the best ways to pleasure a woman with your hands, whether during foreplay, during sex, or whenever the mood strikes.

If you are wondering how to finger like an expert, you’ve come to the right place.

We’re going to cover: 

  • What fingering means
  • How to stimulate the clitoris
  • How to finger a woman during sex
  • Which erogenous zones can be stimulated best with your fingers
  • How fingering her in certain ways, and in certain zones, can bring her to orgasm

And lots of other very, very valuable tips....

1. Definitions: Fingering, Clitoris, Vagina, G-Spot

When you are starting out on your sexual journey, it can seem like a woman’s body (and the whole world of sexual exploration) is like a foreign language. You might feel excited to discover new sensations, but so uncertain of your abilities that you don’t even try.

Take fingering, for example. You may have talked about it before with some friends, or heard about it from somewhere, but do you know how it works? Do you know how to finger, or what exactly you should be trying to stimulate? If you don’t know, how can you do a good job of it?

We’re here to expel any doubts you have and resolve all your questions, starting with answers to some basic questions.

2. What is fingering?

Fingering is when someone uses a finger (or fingers) to penetrate and stimulate a woman’s vagina and clitoris. Fingering does not mean massaging her leg, stroking her hair, or any other finger-based activity. In other words, fingering means performing a very specific sexual act.

3. Is fingering during sex common?

Fingering is one of the most common sexual acts because it can bring a woman to orgasm without penetration.

4. What is the clitoris?

The clitoris is a central pleasure point for women. It is what is being stimulated in the act of fingering (which means you need to know about it if you want to learn how to finger her just right). Some people like to call the clitoris “the female penis”, in part because its sole purpose is to make her feel good.

5. Where is the clitoris?

It’s located just inside the vagina, above the urethra. There is a little fold of skin there, called the “clitoral hood”, where a lot of pleasure is centralized. Direct stimulation of the clitoris is often what pushes her to orgasm, so you’ll probably know you’ve found it based on her reactions.

6. What is the vagina?

The vagina is the soft canal that receives the penis during sexual intercourse. The clitoris and G-spot are also located within the vagina.

7. Is female fingering common?

Yes, women finger themselves when masturbating. But fingering is also common between partners because it protects you and your partner from sexually transmitted diseases (or STIs), which are possible to contract or pass on from intercourse. Whatever works for your partner in bed is what you should focus on, and that includes learning how to finger her with care!

8. What is the G-spot?

The G-spot is the center of vaginal arousal for a lot of women. Otherwise known as the Grafenber spot, the G-spot is part of the clitoral network that is most often identified as the pea-sized point where the inner labia meet.

While not all women find stimulation of their G-spot helps achieve orgasm, and the specific identity of the G-spot remains a bit of an anatomical mystery, the fact is that the G-spot offers a higher level stimulation that supercharges orgasms for many ladies out there. And the best way to approach the G-spot is by using your fingers.

9. Bring more pleasure to the bedroom with fingering

Did you know that reaching orgasm for women is not as easy as it is for men?

Men get off on penetration in part because the constant friction and tension helps them ejaculate.

Not all women respond well to the more forceful back-and-forth of intercourse.

In fact, a lot of women do not reach orgasms through intercourse.

According to one study, only 6% of women said they always had an orgasm during intercourse.

Even more surprising, as many as 14% of women under 35 reported never having an orgasm during intercourse.

So if women are not orgasming during intercourse, where and how are they climaxing? Females usually climax through tender sensations around the clitoris. So if she’s not orgasming during intercourse then maybe her clitoris is not getting the attention it deserves!

You can zero-in on her clitoris (and other erogenous zones) with fingering.

10. Fingering is a great part of foreplay

If you masturbate, you are aware of the sensual pleasure your hands and fingers can produce.

Women learn how to finger themselves from their own masturbation experiences. Females know where their clitoris is, and how to best massage it to orgasm. But for men, learning how to please her with your hands generally takes some time. It’s not like you can go from being a virgin to knowing how to arouse your partner with smooth and sensual finger maneuvers overnight. Great things take time.

Fingering usually takes place during foreplay, after you and your partner have kissed and cuddled, but before you have engaged in intercourse.

11. Learn how to finger like an expert

If you want to learn all the ways in which you can pleasure a woman with your hands, the first thing to do is imagine yourself in a sexual encounter with her. You want to approach her in the same way that you would want to be approached by someone performing oral sex on you.

Think about how it is she would be positioned. Imagine how it would feel to begin exploring an erogenous zone like her vagina, slowly and softly caressing her in ways that are intentional but not forceful or direct.

If you can situate yourself in this kind of environment, then you are in a good spot, because learning how to finger like an expert starts with being able to prioritize what makes her feel good.

Note: If you are going to have sex for the first time, you can prepare for it with these helpful tips.

12. Don’t be shy, ask her about it

We cannot stress enough how important communication is in any sexual relationship. The more you can talk about what it is you are interested in trying, or how things feel, the better your sexual experiences will be.

This is literally the most important lesson to learn about sex. Ask questions, be open, be receptive, and talk, talk, talk, talk, talk! This is the advice you’ll get from any and all people with sexual experience under their belt.

With that in mind, don’t be shy about the topic of fingering. If you want to explore fingering her, just ask! Chances are she’s familiar with it from her own private masturbation explorations, and if she trusts you, and likes you, then she’s probably going to be into the idea.

13. The Master Fingering List

While mindset and communication are very important, there are some basic things you can do to prepare yourself so that when the opportunity comes you are ready to please. If you want to learn how to finger like an expert, start with this master fingering list.

  • Keep your nails trimmed. Fingering is a subtle part of sex: every move needs to be done tenderly. She will not appreciate sharpness or jagged edges inside of her, so the first thing to do is make sure your nails are nicely trimmed. You have some options here, of course. Some men like to keep the nails on one hand, or even a couple fingers on one hand, perfectly trimmed. Whatever option you choose, keep in mind that the more skin the better, as the skin-on-skin impact on her clitoris is what will be particularly arousing for her.
  • Set the mood. What setting makes you feel comfortable? What setting makes her feel comfortable? Find a place, time, and vibe that allows you both to let go a little and be yourselves.
  • Don't rush. The thrill of fingering might make you move quickly. That’s normal - you’re excited. But try as best as you can to go slow though. Not only will pleasure be maximized by a calmer, slower experience, but going slowly will also give her the chance to really calm down and fully let her body open up to you.
  • Explore the terrain. One great way to build her arousal is by using your hands and fingers to explore her whole body before zero-ing in on the clitoris. You can rub her buttocks or thighs, lick her stomach, lightly finger her vagina — whatever feels natural to you in the moment. The more sexual experiences you have, the more you’ll find that the build up, and the anticipation, is just as important as the high-impact performance itself.
  • Keep it moist. Fingering works best when she is wet down there. If her vagina is not moist, you can apply some lubricant. You can also wet your fingers.

Learning how to finger takes time, but with these tips in mind you’ll be sure to please her.

14. Find her erogenous zones

Females have a lot of sensual areas of the body - none more so than the clitoris and the vagina. Part of learning how to finger her well involves understanding where her erogenous zones are. Once you know where pleasure points are on a female's body, you can start to explore them to great effect.

Spheres of pleasure exist across the female body. Some folks have foot fetishes, others are instantly turned on by having their ears stroked. Your lover may have intense sensations built up around parts of her body that are not obvious to you. These areas of heightened arousal are often called erogenous zones. There are lots of them, and they all can lead to ultimate pleasure. (You have them too, of course!).

To find her erogenous zones, you can start by asking for her preferences. She might know them, in which case she can share them with you.

Check out our article on the 7 erogenous zones that bring you and her ultimate pleasure.

If she does not have any preferences, then you can explore them together. There are quite a number of zones to explore, each with a different optimal type of touch.

Other common pleasure zones include the ears, the breasts, the thighs, and the buttocks.

15. Every woman is different, every zone is unique

Female sexual arousal is all about finding areas of her body that work best for her. Unspoken cues like physical movements, mouth sounds or breathing patterns will indicate whether she’s into it or not. And the nice thing about fingering during sex is that you can be rest assured her clitoris is one of her most erotic zones.

16. How to finger her clitoris to orgasm

With all the knowledge you’ve gained from this guide so far, it’s time to turn our attention to the climax: fingering her to orgasm.

As we’ve mentioned, bringing her all the way to completion is only one of many ways to provide her with pleasure, but let’s not under-value the potency of an orgasm. Knowing how to use your hands to create this deep kind of pleasure in her clitoris is definitely something she will enjoy.

Some people will tell you there is a secret technique for getting her to orgasm in under 2 minutes. Others may claim that there is a single thing you need to do to maximize her clitoral sensations. Others still might claim other maneuvers with your fingers that will “unlock” her vagina and get right to her G-spot.

We tend to ignore all these quick fix approaches. They give the wrong impression about what sex is, and put forward unrealistic (and frankly not that enjoyable) techniques for fingering a woman’s clitoris. And besides, research from the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that it takes women an average of 13.41 minutes to orgasm. So you have time.

Instead of trying to get her to squirt as quickly as possible, we suggest the following stages and techniques for pleasing her along the path that leads ultimately to the climax of orgasm.

(Like we said before, people with plenty of sexual experience come to realize that taking it slow and building up sensations in stages is the real key to unlocking the doors of pleasure - both for you and for her.)

Step 1: Kissing

Kissing breaks the tension of regular life and puts you both on the same level. It sparks attraction in a smoother way than any other activity we know.

Step 2: The tease

You can begin to use your hands to caress and massage her where she likes it.

You may also want to introduce some sex toys if you’re both feeling it.

Step 3: Touch her where it counts

As things start to heat up and the energy between you two is electric (maybe you’ve moved to the bed or the couch by this point), you can begin to touch her where it counts. We don’t mean jump right in her pants. What we do mean is start using your hands and fingers to massage her private parts.

You might casually unbuckle her pants. You might gently pull her shirt off. It’s at this stage that you can nudge things along slightly to take advantage of the attraction in the air.

Step 4: Focus on the clitoris and beyond

Once you are both actively caressing each other all over the body, you can begin to gently rub her vagina and clitoris.

  • Rub circles around her clitoris. A home-run fingering technique is to circle in on the clitoris. Softly rubbing circles around her clitoris is bound to make her arch back in bliss.
  • Penetrate with your index finger. When her vagina is moist and she’s ready to receive you, you can penetrate her slowly with your index finger. Slowly sliding in and out is going to excite her greatly.
  • Locate the G-spot. Once she is relaxed and you are sensually massaging her where she likes it most, you can begin searching for the G-spot. Using your fingers, slowly penetrate her and then curl your finger slightly up, towards her belly-button, in a sort of “come here” move.

17. Some final thoughts

Being able to confidently please a woman by fingering her is a wonderful thing for a couple of reasons.

First, many women do not reach orgasm as often as men, so finding an alternative that puts you in the position of “giver” rather than always “receiver” of sexual pleasure is important for the sake of your long-term sexual relationship.

Second, your female lover or partner is likely to have some experience fingering herself from masturbation, and she can be a helpful guide to you as you get to know her body in this new way.

And finally, knowing how to finger a woman is just an orgasmic gift to be able to offer her once and a while. (Bonus: it allows you guys to explore realms of pleasure without having to worry about sharing sexually transmitted diseases).

With these tips as your guide, you should be able to move forward in confidence, excited and curious to explore the many ways you can pleasure a woman with your hands.


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