Person in sex handcuffs, a black dress, and fishnet stockings.

BDSM For Beginners: Learning Powerful Sex And Submission

Welcome careful minds and adventurous souls, to a realm where the boundaries of pleasure and play intertwine like a perfectly executed Shibari knot. If you’ve ever found yourself scouring the forbidden fruit section of the bookstore or blushing at the mention of safe words, then this sex and submission piece might just be what you’re looking for in the bedroom.

But if you don’t already know what BDSM stands for exactly, let’s get into the word play. It’s an umbrella term that’s an acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. Now while those terms sound scary or intimidating by solo definition, the practice itself is a lot more safe and fun. It’s about fantasies springing to life, role-playing, and prop loving sex – and it’s a wild ride.

While some think BDSM is a harmful or scarring sexual activity that leaves people feeling more violated than pleased, it’s important to remember that’s just a myth and, in fact, BDSM is performed safely and with exchanged consent. Evidently, consent is queen or king in sexual submission. You and your partner(s) set the limits and the scene.

So, what are you waiting for? Unlock more pleasure and enter our playful guide to BDSM for beginners because nothing feels better than being curious and kinky.

Woman holding a pleasure feather and tassels laying on a red satin sheet while closing her eyes.

How To Engage In Safe BDSM With Your Partner(s)

Navigating this terrain of pleasure might seem complex at first, but you can come out of it as fearless as a dominatrix in stilettos. Watch as layers of leather become peeled back and you explore the delicious intersection of dominance and sexual submission. Grab your notepad, buckle up your metaphorical harness, and get ready to unleash your inner kinks because internal pleasure knows no bounds. Let the games begin!

Into playing identity games? Discover more personalities in 5 Reasons To Introduce Role-Play Into Your Relationship.

Leather buckles and other miscellaneous BDSM props on a black bed sheet.

Breaking Down The BDSM Term

For starters, Bondage and Discipline is the BD. While bondage focuses on restraint and typically involves ropes, blindfolds, or sex handcuffs, discipline is all about training a submissive partner to obey rules, follow orders, and perform acts.

Dominance and Submission make up the DS, and describe the practice of allocating control to someone who willingly accepts it. While we all have dominant and submissive traits in our personality outside the bedroom, these dynamics are based on sexual acts of service (sex and submission).

SM stands for Sadism and Masochism and involves a sadist partner inflicting pain for exchanged pleasure on their masochist. It’s not for everyone and it may not be your fetish. Not everyone practising BDSM enjoys all 3 categories just described. Whatever makes you and your partner(s) comfortable!

Woman in lingerie holding a BDSM cane while red and green light illuminates her.

Activities That Suit BDSM For Beginners

If these categories slightly arouse you, there are great entry-level kinky activities you can dive into. However, first remember to initiate a discussion with your partner(s) by asking casually, not forcefully, about their interests in BDSM and if they’d be open to trying it out with you. If you already have some experience and they don’t, give them the knowledge to practise and clearly define consent and boundaries beforehand.

Activities that can peak early interest are:

  • Light spanking – whether it’s a hand or a paddle toy, you can softly hit your partner’s butt or genital area then ramp it up if they want more
  • Scarf bondage – because they’re made of softer materials, scarves can be just the thing to tie your partner(s) up to the bed frame or elsewhere and exude control over them (or vice versa)
  • Blindfold teasing – as a form of sensation play, having your partner(s) put a blindfold on you or the other way around can lead to surrendered authority and make physical feelings even more intense
  • Biting – in order to test different levels of pain tolerance, biting your partner(s) and leaving love marks can make for a fun experience
  • Pulling hair – a gateway into more extreme forms of sex and submission, hair pulling can be as gentle or rough as you please (and can produce more riled up energy)

Got energy for extra sexy ideas? Browse 10 New Things To Try In Bed To Spice Up Your Relationship for less predictable sexcapades.

Person in a black leotard with orange fetish body chains strapped over them.

Safety Tips To Remember

With consent always in the forefront of every sexual activity, BDSM is no exception. Make sure you talk to your partner(s) to negotiate a fantasy scene and agree to roles, expectations, and boundaries well ahead of time. Come up with a safe word you can establish during sexual submission that’ll let your partner(s) know to slow down or stop what they’re doing completely. Examples can include, but are not limited to, friendzone, doorknob, or toothache. You can also use a traffic light system to check in throughout – saying GREEN to keep going or speed it up, YELLOW to slow things down or take a break, and RED to stop immediately and reassess the situation. Safety is #1.

Blindfolded woman smiling while her partner touches her shoulder and smells her hair in a bathroom.

How To Practise Your First BDSM Experience

Begin with an open conversation about fantasies and outline what turns you on. Have your partner(s) share their outlooks. Write down your sex goals together for reference, so you can refer to notes for negotiations and future discussions. Choose where is safest to engage in BDSM play (whether it’s the bedroom or kitchen or elsewhere). Establish the seductive setting then go hunting for some sex toys – like the Durex Intense Bullet* vibrator and Durex Tingling Lubricant* to help let your imaginations run wilder yet smoother.

You can even try dressing up in costumes or accessories (like a choker or collar) to help you own your position better. Start whichever activity you both land on slowly, then gradually get more into it with boundaries in the back of your mind. Execute the novelty experiences, the sex and submission moments, over time – remind yourself that not everything needs to be done right away. You don’t want to overwhelm yourself and intensify experiences you’re not able to handle just yet. Don’t fake it. Lean into creature comforts.

Tattooed man in zebra print briefs showing his handcuffed hands behind his back.

Harnessing Your Power

After all that’s said, done, and whipped into shape, have a conversation with one another afterwards about how things went and what you’d like to see more or less of moving forward in your sexual relationship(s). BDSM is first and foremost about experimentation in strengthening the bond you already have established – just pushing it to other limits. Now, if these words spoke to you, jot down a few safe words and talk to your partner(s) about next steps. Kink it up, buttercup.

Want more positions you can try during all your BDSM adventures? Get a load of You Won’t Believe How Pleasurable These Sex Positions Can Feel for all-new pleasure postures and deep seeded penetration performances.

 

*Ensure this product is right for you. Always read and follow the label before use.

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