Relationship advice
- 3 min read
How To Avoid Yap-Trapping During First Dates
Yapping – it’s the term on everyone’s lips (literally). Don’t know what yapping is yet? Let Durex Canada say sweet somethings to you. Yapping occurs when someone endlessly talks about themself, or a topic, without letting the other person chime in. Basically sucking all the air out of the room. And, commonly, this is happening for first-daters out there.
Imagine you’re sitting down at a nice restaurant or dive bar with someone you just met on an app – looking forward to an evening of mutual conversation exchange and pleasantries. Then, suddenly, they can’t stop yapping about their day, their job position, their ex, or a hot topic they’re a little too passionate about. Your questions get thrown out the window. You’re frozen in a yap-trap. You can’t move. You can’t speak.
Done in either a self-centered way or just by pure self-unawareness, the yapper fails to realize that what they’re doing is actually turning the other person off. It’s confining someone to solely listen instead of being an active contributor. And a first date should always be an exchange. After all, nothing feels better than mutual satisfaction.
If you’re ever in a yap-trap situation, read ahead to learn more about what to look out for and how to redirect conversations so you can have pleasurable date experiences.
What Is Yapping And How To Steer Around It
Finding yourself in a position where the date across from you cannot stop talking excessively? That’s what yapping is. What was once commonly used to describe the sound dogs make when they can’t stop barking, yapping is now a popular expression amongst humans. It’s a sign of a never-ending, one-sided chat. If this sounds like something you’ve experienced, or might experience on a first date, there are pointers that can help both you and them become more aligned. Dates should feel like similar pages, not separate novels.
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What To Look Out For In A Yapper
The more they yap, the more you may feel unheard or ignored. This shouldn’t be the case on first dates! Here are some signs that indicate you may be caught in a yap-trap by a date:
- They interrupt everything you say – this can show a lack of interest or unfocus
- They talk a lot but don’t actually say anything meaningful
- They dominate the conversation and don’t pause to let you speak
- They rarely ask about you
- They unload personal drama and business too soon – look out for the ‘oversharers’
Yapper First Date Strategies
If those above signs look familiar, here are a few strategies you can easily do to maneuver around the yapping date:
- Politely interject – if they’re steamrolling the dialogue, try saying something like “Wow, really? You know, here’s my take on that…”
- Use your body language – raising your finger slightly can signal a pause for them
- Ask specific questions instead of open-ended ones
- Use light humour to call it out – you can try saying “Damn, that’s quite the story! Mind if I get a word in before your mouth runs out of energy?”
- Suggest playing a game like 20 questions so you’re both actively involved in the discussion and can share equally
If none of the above work, you can swiftly make your exit after suggesting you have to be up super early the next day – or that you see them more as a pal. The yap-trap can be a real turn-off. Be direct but gentle, and let them know the spark just isn’t mutual. No hard feelings.
Healthy Yap Communication
If your date is talkative but engaging, they’ll usually make you feel included and check-in while asking questions. Enthusiastic conversation carries good energy. Talking a lot isn’t a bad thing, especially if they let you finish your thoughts and are reciprocal in nature. And if they pick up on your social cues, a solid match might be made.
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Final Words
Now that you know what yapping is and what to be on the lookout for during first dates, on top of strategies to try when face-to-face with a yapper, it’s time you face the music. Remember: those who never let you get a word in edge-wise may not need to hear another word from you (other than an amicable farewell). For a quiet send-off, check out the soft-spoken Durex® Intense Bullet*.
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